We are social creatures who need friends and community to flourish. Conversation is the spice of life and community is its fount. We are called to be friends and neighbors to one another, and yet we spend countless hours doomscrolling on our screens, craving attention, connection and validation while being meted out dopamine hit after dopamine hit like lab rats pressing levers for food. We have replaced our community with a farce, an illusion, a facade sold to us so that we keep clicking on ads and buying their stuff.
Where did all the third spaces go? Where did all the community recreation halls go? Where did all the union halls go? Where did all the fraternities and sororities go? Have you ever been to an Elks meeting? What about a Masonic Lodge? What are the names of your neighbors? Do you know the family who lives at the end of the block? What did they do for fun last summer? Do you know anyone, at all, really? Or are you fed an illusion of reality, which has been twisted to keep you locked to that black mirror in your pocket?
With the rise of AI, the death of social media, and the collapse of trust online we have no choice but to return to the real world. We must rebuild our community institutions and third spaces. We need to start hosting block parties again. Let’s bring back the sprinklers and the cookouts! Get to know your neighbors and challenge yourself to relearn great conversational skills.
I recommend “How to Know a Person” by David Brooks and “The Art of Conversaion” by Catherine Blythe. You don’t have to become a social butterfly, but if I as an autistic man can learn better ways of interacting with others, then you can too. I promise you, it’s okay. Let the awkwardness, just be awkard for a bit. If that is the price of a great conversation, then I say let it be paid seven times over!
Being a friend to another is about being supportive of their struggles and lived experiences. No two of us are exactly alike, so it is important we build relationships with others so that we benefit from each other. We each bring different skills, backgrounds, experiences, and struggles to the table.
Great communities are all about lifting each other up. When things are going well, communities support each other by celebrating each other’s accomplishments and wins in life. When things are hard, communities come together to help each other get back to their feet.
We must start rebuilding our communities, now.